7 Things Every Parent Needs to Know to Help an Anxious Child

Parents often find themselves at a loss on how to help their anxious child. They may attempt to reduce anxiety triggers, become overprotecting by solving their child’s problems, or accidentally enable and reinforce the avoidant behavior. It can be helpful to pace daily activities to decrease overall stress for anxious children, however parents should not try to protect their children from experiencing anxiety.

Here are 7 helpful tips on what parents can do to help an anxious child:

1. Don’t Try to Eliminate Anxiety, Help Your Child Cope with it; It is difficult for any parent to watch their child struggle with anxiety. We often feel compelled to “fix it” and eliminate distress. This only exacerbates the problem, as it reduces opportunities for the child to learn to manage their anxiety. Instead of “protecting” children from triggers and fearful situations, we want to help them learn and apply appropriate coping skills to be able to manage their anxiety in the future.
2. Discourage Avoidant Behavior;  Avoidance of a fearful situation is a common anxiety response. When parents encourage or allow for avoidant behavior to continue it only reinforces the problem. Try thinking of an anxiety provoking situation as an arena for your child to practice their positive coping skills discussed in the step 1. 
3. Validate Your Child’s Feelings, Don’t Minimize Them; Parents often try to reduce their child’s discomfort by minimizing their anxious feelings. Statements like “it’s not that scary” or “there is nothing to be afraid of” invalidate child’s emotions and do not reduce worries. Instead, try connecting with your child by empathizing with their experiences and reflecting on their feelings. Communicate support, empowerment and trust in your child’s natural ability to cope with difficulties.
4. Establish Healthy Routine and Consistency; Practicing a daily schedule can greatly reduce your child’s emotional overwhelms and prevent meltdowns. Making sure children get enough free play, daily exercise, consume nutritious meals, participate in family time and have a relaxing bedtime routine is essential to their emotional health.
5. Reduce the Anticipatory Time; The longer your anxious child waits before an anxiety provoking experience, the more anxious she will likely become. Try reducing the anticipatory period in order to avoid your child getting unnecessarily keyed up before the event. Make sure to allow just enough time to talk through the expectations, but not too much to get the child worked up overthinking it. 
6. Practice positive thinking with your child; Help your child rate her anxiety and examine the likelihood of the fearful event actually taking place. Support your child in talking through or writing a plan, handling the potentially feared outcome. Having an action plan often greatly reduces child’s anxiety by setting more realistic expectations and allowing them feel in control. 
7. Monitor your own anxiety and fear-based responses; Children learn about the safety of the world around them from their caregivers. From the day they are born, they begin to observe your attitude, behavioral patterns and emotional reactions. Based on that observation, a child decides if it’s safe to trust you, others and herself to handle life challenges. Parents must monitor their own anxiety, verbal and non-verbal messages as they communicate it to their children daily. Walk the talk and model the same suggestions discussed above, as you want your child to practice. 

Summary

If your child’s anxiety continues to grow and you feel you cannot help her/him resolve their fears, it’s a good time to consult with a child therapist. At our Counseling Center, we specialize in helping children build appropriate coping skills to effectively manage fears and excel into their social and academic potential. We help parents learn and apply positive parenting strategies to support their children through the healing process. Give us a call today to find out how we can help you and your child!